Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
