I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sorry about my life...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
