Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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