why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
