Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
