Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
