the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
