Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
