Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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