I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
