i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
