my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
