can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
