I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
