another moral hangover. fuck.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
