Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
