Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
