Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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