So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
