Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
