I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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