I can't watch pbs sober anymore
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
