I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
