I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
