apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
