It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize