We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
