Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
