Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
