i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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