I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
