He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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