i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
