I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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