The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The best revenge is premature balding
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
