I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize