Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
