her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't tell me you're on acid again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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