I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
