i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
