I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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