I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
