You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
