another moral hangover. fuck.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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