I'm going to jail i love you
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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