I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize