he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
