this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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