it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
