I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
