i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
