nut hugger
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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