he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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