omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hippo gnu deer
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
