You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
try to milk me bitch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
