My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i think i have two assholes
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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