I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
God, I missed his penis.
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