HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
