Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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