i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Text me some of your sweat
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
