the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
