Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
