apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
